Just a little too much going on
not because I’m too busy or life is too crowded in the quiet, the colors of the painting become more subtly saturated than my self can handle which makes handling my handling feel like too much to handle which makes me feel weak because how can I handle normal life if I can’t handle quiet life? and how can I handle the day if I can’t handle the night? But maybe the problem is in the handling because why should I handle the sun rising and the moon moving across the sky or the weird pain gas makes as it moves through the system? In a system set up to serve me as it harms me tells me I’m not good enough can’t enough too weak to handle a system which sees me live normal in the day and wake in the middle of the night in a sweat, is that sweat normal or malignant? Is it neutral, nothing, normal? Is it creeping, growing, scaring? Scaring, certainly, which makes it creeping, growing but from the inside or the mind side? Which is inside but a different side — the scared side unable to see through the murky side of me, side pain, back pain, stomach pain? Up side, down, need to take a breath get up get out of bed so I can take some time to see if the indigestion is coming from the fear or the fear is coming from the indigestion the chicken or the rotten egg that I had for lunch? Which might or might not have made me sick Sick with fear or sick with sick Am I K? (sic?) Keep on going though because in the middle of the quiet I am still strong strong enough to slow the breath down the feeling of death, down the chicken and the egg, down and even though the sun keeps moving and the moon keeps moving it is my strength to relinquish them back to the sky meanwhile, I can keep breathing keep slowing keep coming back to me breathing until I’m me, breathing
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AuthorI write stories, but sometimes I write poetry about the slippery and crunchy moments in life. Archives
July 2023
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